Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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