we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
