I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
