I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
