not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
