we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
