you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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