He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
