If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
