Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
there is glitter all over my balls
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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