i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
