just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
