I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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