There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
