thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
