But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
