Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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