this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
