so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
