Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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