Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
