on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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