So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
