I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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