At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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