I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
