So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
