when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
