I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
