The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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