she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
