I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
