good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
