Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
