Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
