dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
