I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
