I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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