I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
