you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
