Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
