Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
