Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
