Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
