you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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