So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
