nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
