I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
