If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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