Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
