My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
