i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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